I'm gonna have a badass scar
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
