He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
