If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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