Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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