You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
