There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
