My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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