I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
