I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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