Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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