just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
