jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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