Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
