Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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