I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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