threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
