woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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