I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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