At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
