Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
