Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
