He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
