I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
