It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
