i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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