Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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