honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
