Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
