Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
