do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
