She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
