I just saw a hot homeless man
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
