I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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