I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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