Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Randomize
