Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
