shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
