i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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