Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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