:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
