if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
