I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
