i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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