I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
