i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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