I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
