if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
