At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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