I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize