dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
