Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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