He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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