There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
