I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
