so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
