I'm eating all of the evidence.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize