I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
