I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
