FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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