and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
