Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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