I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
