i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
