That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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