Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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