forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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