you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
