I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize