she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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