I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
