the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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