i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
