I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want her autograph on my taint
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
