hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
