I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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