I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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