No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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