So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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