Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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