The best revenge is premature balding
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
