speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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