I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yo dont text me then not text me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
