Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize