: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
