david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
