I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
