Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
