ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
