I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
