I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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