His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
