you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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