im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
